It was pondering very heavily on my mind what the topic of my first blog post since January was going to be on. So heavily, that I’ve had that first sentence written for over 3 months. A typically sit down session to write usually consists of random thoughts- like what I’m doing at the current moment; my love for Lagusta Luscious chocolate, the list of things I need to get done, why I’m not where I thought I would be, or the latest book I began reading.
And if you couldn’t tell, my mind has been a bit scattered lately. I’m not ashamed. Although, I do get uneasy when I’m asked the question on what my plans are for the future, like I’m some sort of wizard. Let me just pull the mystery out of my magic hat. I have no idea. My physical self can’t help but get all hot and bothered. Silent judgment fills the voids of silence. I’m uncomfortable. I’m made to feel small by the unwritten rules and expectations of society. So, if you couldn’t tell, here I am, diving into my uncomfortability.
“Acknowledging your feelings can lead to deeper self-realization, because your feelings are the key to figuring out your beliefs. Remember, feelings take you back to the beliefs, so find the feeling and really feel it. Once you have identified the belief behind the feeling, acknowledge the role of the belief, then release it and replace it with a more empowered outlook.”
Let’s rewind a bit. I graduated roughly, three months ago with a bachelor’s degree in Anthropology, Sociology, and Justice and Law. Sounds great, huh? I’ve had no luck of finding a career. Great. But, I have been busy reflecting on the last 4 years of my academic career. My bachelor’s degree stole piece of me I can’t seem to rediscover, the creative side of me. The side of me that was motivated and ambitious.
And after all is said and done, it really was yoga that saved my life. If it wasn’t for Aaron offering me the position as a work-study individual at Manipura on Thanksgiving morning- I really don’t know where I would be. It was at Manipura I learned what yoga truly was. But truthfully, I’ve learned I am my own best teacher. I understand the philosophy more than the Asana. And then, it was Chase who showed that door to me. He shared books with me on consciousness, shared his knowledge, and of course we rolled a few spliffs. When I first began to understand the spirituality behind yoga, I had not much. I was living in-between two places, barley any money for food or clothing that fit me. I had a yoga matt and a book on chakras.
It wasn’t far after I changed my dietary to meet a true yogi of the East. I became a vegetarian, and gradually a vegan climbing the true limbs of yoga. In their terms, I was the “good yogi” and they didn’t take well to that for some reason. Maybe it was my fearless opinion that I voiced repeatedly? I have a voice; I will not apologize for using it. After hearing a beloved yoga teacher call “vegans” crazy, I spiraled downwards and fell out of my yoga practice as I didn’t feel welcomed or accepted. I really use to admire her, but I don’t anymore.
As for the last semester of college, I found myself really connecting to the curriculum for the first time in my academic career. I joined a team of individuals with a goal in mind to design a vegetable garden on midtown campus. We completed it and it’s beautiful. I toke two classes on Native Americans and fell in love with their spirituality and way of life. I envy what they had, and still can’t wrap my head around the idea off why materialism was more appealing then being self-sufficient. I crave the connectedness to the earth they felt.
Recently, I’ve also been extremely busy acting as an assistant to my finances event business One Plug Entertainment. I’ve had the opportunity to act as a photographer for multiple events while learning the technology involved in his business and how it’s operated. The business is really thriving and allowing us to travel.
Life has been busy, and I am teeter tottering on my next decisions in life, as they are the important ones.
In the meantime, I’m going to fake it till I make it, because frankly, I have no idea where the universe is going to take me, and I’m okay with that!
Below are some shots from my most recent event which was a Pop Up Thrift Shop.